Sometimes in dramas or documentaries you hear comments made, maybe to someone who’s done something bad that they’ll regret – “you’ll have to live with it for the rest of your life”.

I’m coming to a conclusion about the emotional pain I’m feeling about the loss of John.  If all my various feelings about various things are populating a big rectangular field in the woods, my grief is like in a special paddock in part of the field, cordoned off.  At the beginning, the paddock took up most of the field, but now it’s getting smaller – there’s room for other feelings too.

But the point is – I think there’ll always be that paddock of pain.  I have to readjust so I can bear to live with it.

I think the pain will always be there, as a burden to be carried.