Walking and talking

I’ve been trying to walk more, to get exercise for my own health, and have been regularly walking up and down a long straight path which I call my ‘exercise path’.  It is in a rather deserted place, by a playing field.  Occasionally there are other people there walking dogs, but generally it is a lonely and dismal place.

I prefer it when it is sunny – I have got rather hooked on walking in winter sunshine, on cold days. Quite often though, when the weather is just dull and overcast, I find it depressing – countered only by the fact that by exercising I know I’m doing something positive for myself.

I can’t help feeling very reflective when I walk on this path.  I find myself sometimes talking as if to John, telling him what’s been happening and what my current state of mind is like.  Oddly I don’t think I ever walked there with him, so it’s not a place he would have known.

It’s three years now and I do feel very very lonely, and miss so much having someone intelligent and caring and supportive to talk to every day.

It’s true that some things get easier, that things aren’t so raw, but it’s also true that it never goes away – the loss is always there.  I will never be able to speak to him again, listen to him again. Every time I walk on the path is another memory made without him.  Every sunny, or dull, day is a day he hasn’t seen – every leaf, every cloud, every bird, something he’ll never see.

I never expected to be feeling loneliness like this again.


Appointment with a llama

Llama 2 only

I have finally achieved another animal experience I had set myself to undertake – ‘walking with llamas’.

As I drove down there I was thinking, I’ve got an appointment with a llama!

It was at Ashdown Forest Llama Park and I chanced on a beautiful sunny day.  My llama was large and dark coloured and walked alongside me very obediently and without issue. Only towards the end of the walk, when we crossed a golf course, did all the llamas tend to stop to crop grass as we walked.

It was an hour and a half with some uphill bits, and it was about at the limit of what I can manage in terms of fitness.  Very pleased to have done it successfully though, and really enjoyed the day.

It’s a great way to get some exercise in an interesting way, and also a way for someone on their own to go for a country walk with some company and in safety.

I want to do it again!