Oh God John

We were so much a team, a partnership.  I keep getting little horrific flashes where my mind thinks I’m back in the old reality, but then I get the sudden realisation again, the shock of what’s happened.  That half the team has gone, there’s only me left, alone.

I’m sitting in the garden, looking at this house which I’m working towards leaving.  Had a valuation yesterday – the best ever, more even than I’d dared hope, much more than we’d last jointly been aware of.

It was horrible, immediately feeling so sad that you weren’t there to tell the good news to, you would’ve been so pleased.

Talking about finances and the ups and downs of house prices was so much part of our relationship over the years.  Usually, things went against us.  Now finally I hear an almost unbelievable figure (well, I’ll have to see what the real one ends up being) – and you’re not around to enjoy it.

I can’t enjoy it either.

Missing you badly today.