Well the snow and cold weather are over (I hope) and I’ve suddenly been surprised by Spring! These are daffodils in St James’s Park.
It’s brought with it a resurgence of grief – back to that horror of thinking that the person who was closest to you, who you were sharing your life with, has been snatched away, and will never see a spring again, will never see daffodils again.
I was shocked to think that it’s my fourth spring already since it happened – that I’ve seen four springs now on my own – and cried over the fact he’s no longer here with me.
We used to sit and look at blue skies together, and comment on how the enjoyment of the sky and nice weather didn’t depend on one’s wealth, how anyone could have that pleasure. Now looking at a blue sky is difficult, because of feeling my loss of him, and his loss of being able to ever see the sky again.
It’s such a morbid thought, but for every one of us there will be the spring after we’ve gone, the first of those that we’ll never see.
Somebody else will be looking at daffodils (and maybe remembering us).